Wouldn't it be nice if there were a cure for nostalgia? Something to magically cease to miss things you no longer have. I think that would be nice. Or would it be simpler if there were no need or emotion for missing someone or something. Yeah, I like that idea too.
When it comes to matters of the heart I guess all we can do is man up and embrace every emotion like the bullet that it is and hope we survive.
I find forgetting about someone a simple task for me to do. I do it rapidly and I do it well. But then there is a period of time where I have forgotten completely about that person and when a sudden impeccable reminder pops up, I remember everything. Every emotion that I had and tossed away restores itself within me. It's quite horrible.
In this case, I miss someone that I never even had. It's highly unpleasant, yes. But I cannot bring myself to let it go. These emotions: nostalgia, loneliness, love, hope... they are all tenaciously pulsing through me making it an impossible task for me to even want to forget anything.
It's funny how I find myself in this situation due to the fact that it is one that is of extreme creepiness. But I can't help it. I don't care.
I want to feel these emotions. I don't want to bottle them up. I want to savor them. God only knows why, but I do.
It's like an intense case of phantom limb, expect there was never a limb to begin with. Sad, I know.
I almost feel guilty in indulging in these emotions. They make me feel like a squeamish school girl. No. They make me feel like a fat kid who has a secret stash of goodies. Yes. That's the right metaphor.
I know that in the end, when my high hopes come crashing down that it might hurt just a little. But I can handle it.
I don't are if these feelings are completely fatuous. I don't.
I know that we aren't meant to be, but that doesn't mean that we are perfect for each other.
Showing posts with label boys. Show all posts
Showing posts with label boys. Show all posts
Monday, May 9, 2011
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